


Lead Me Back to You

by phanburnhamizzard



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Angst, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Enemies to Lovers, Gen, M/M, starbucks sofa - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:31:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanburnhamizzard/pseuds/phanburnhamizzard
Summary: The grueling tour is finally over and without a break, Dan and Phil jump into the rigorous editing process.  With frayed nerves and raw edges, the two men struggle to maintain their sanity --and their relationship--while producing a quality product for the fans.





	Lead Me Back to You

**Author's Note:**

> This work was written for the Phandomficfests BINGO challenge

“Fine!” Dan yelled as he slammed his bedroom door.

“Fine!” Phil yelled back as he stomped into his room.

Dan fell down onto his bed and buried his head in his pillow, hot tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. 

Phil began throwing anything he could get his hands on across the room.

“Oh, I’m Dan and I’m never wrong,” he yelled as a copy of TABINOF flew across the room.

“I’m perfect and Phil’s an idiot,” he yelled as he kicked a plushie into the wall. 

 

In his room, Dan covered his ears with the pillow to drown out Phil’s anger as he sobbed. 

 

The argument had been coming on for days. They were editing the tour video, and the exhaustion from the tour on top of the self-imposed pressure for the final product to be perfect had taken its toll. 

The tension was palpable as they sat down and began the editing process. Phil wanted to take the lead, but Dan constantly reached over him and re-adjusted the dials after he had set them. 

Finally, Phil, exasperated, said, “If you’re going to change everything I do, why don’t you just do it yourself!”

“You’re the one with the Master’s degree, as you love to keep reminding me,” Dan said. “I’m just correcting your mistakes.”

Phil went slack jawed. “Mistakes? Two-tenths of a second less on the audience is a mistake?”

“Timing is important, Phil.”

“Oh, really?” Phil said sarcastically, “I didn’t know that. Thank you, editing Senpai.”

Dan rolled his eyes. “You’re being too sensitive.”

“I’m not being too sensitive, I’m trying to do the best I can with this video and you are second guessing every decision I make!”

Dan stood up. “Then I guess you don’t need me here then.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Phil said. 

“Well then, what do you mean?” Dan demanded.

“I mean, let’s talk about adjustments, okay?”

“Fine,” Dan said, sitting down and folding his arms across his chest. “Let’s talk, then.”

“Fine,” Phil said. 

The silence that filled the editing room was thick and full of chaotic energy and neither man wanted to be the first to break it.

Finally, Phil said, ‘I just think that if we linger on the audience a bit longer, we get to see that girl in the fourth row giving a peace sign and that is a cute shot.”

“And I just think,” Dan said, “That 8 seconds on an audience shot is too long.” 

“It’s not like the viewers aren’t seeing enough of us as it is,” Phil said, “I personally think we need more cut-aways.” 

“Fine,” Dan relented. “Keep it. I don’t care. It’s fine. Let’s just move on. I can’t watch this part again, I’m literally getting sick to my stomach about it.”

“Okay,” Phil said, advancing to the next dozen frames. 

 

Two hours later, they had 20 minutes of the film edited. 

“That’s it,” Dan said. “I can’t do anymore.”

“I agree,” Phil said, “I need a coffee.”

“Starbucks?” Dan suggested as he pushed up out of the chair.

“Okay,” Phil agreed as he slowly sat up and stretched out his crooked spine. 

 

In the Lyft on the way over to Starbucks, they didn’t speak. The driver kept trying to make small talk, but neither man really engaged. Their minds were elsewhere. 

Fights between the two men were few and far between, but little tiffs usually didn’t bother them. This one, though, was eating away at them as they replayed the arguments in their minds over and over. 

The fatigue from the tour and too much time together had lowered their defenses and made old wounds raw. Their emotional reserves were low, and though they were deeply fond of one another, they were also vulnerable as each knew the other’s weak points. Typically, if they found themselves in this kind of mood, they would just spend a day or so apart and come back as friends. However, with the deadline for the movie looming, they could not do that this time. The strain was beginning to show.

Dan ordered a coffee and stretched out on the sofa at Starbucks, not bothering to leave room for Phil. Phil sat across from him and pulled out his phone, looking through his notes section on ideas he had for the film. 

“Daniel? Phil?”

Dan got up and came back with his drink.

“You didn’t get mine?” Phil asked.

“Oh, no. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” Dan said as he plopped down on the sofa, exhausted. 

Phil got up and got his drink, then sat down in the plush chair across from Dan and began to sip his coffee. 

Minutes of silence went by, and Phil felt himself start to relax. He sank down into the chair and put his phone down. He glanced over at Dan and found him staring back at him.

“What?” Phil asked.

“Nothing. I mean, it’s just that I think that the audience cutaway is still too long.”

Phil rolled his eyes and sighed. “Dan, can we talk about that tomorrow?”

“I can’t stop thinking about it. It just throws off the rhythm of the show.”

“I don’t agree,” Phil said, sitting slightly forward in his chair, “but I also don’t want to talk about that right now. I’m tired.”

“Alright,” Dan said. “But I’m right about that.”

Phil put his coffee down on the table and spoke through a tightened jaw, “Of course you are. You’re always right, aren’t you?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Dan said, surprised.

“If you don’t get your way, you just pout until I give in.”

“I pout?” Dan said, incredulously, “That’s rich. You’re the one who gets salty when he doesn’t get his way. Mr. ‘All or Nothing’ in real life.”

“I don’t have to listen to this,” Phil said, standing up abruptly and walking straight out the front door.

Dan laughed and took another sip of his coffee. “So sensitive,” he muttered to himself. 

 

Phil walked home, knowing he had to get some space between himself and Dan before he said something he didn’t mean to say. 

 

Dan finished his coffee and walked down the street to Bennigan’s Bar and Bistro and ordered supper for himself and a pint to wash it down with. It was the first time the two men had eaten apart for months. Dan couldn’t get the argument to stop raging in his mind. Round and round it went, as he rehearsed comebacks and replayed the day’s disagreements over and over again. 

He decided to get another pint to calm his nerves. A young man sided up next to him and started talking, but Dan rudely ignored him, taking out his phone and pretending to text. He just wanted to be alone for a while. The man walked away and Dan felt a pang of guilt. He ordered another pint to help himself feel better. 

 

Back at the apartment, Phil ordered Dominos and ate alone while watching The Great British Bake Off. He finished off the entire pizza himself, cleaned up, then took a long bath with scented candles around the tub. 

He expected Dan to be home when he got out of the tub, but he found the apartment empty.  
He was calmer now, and in the mood to apologize and make up. He realized that nothing of consequence was said or done between them, and that the bad feelings could mostly be chalked up to exhaustion. 

He sat on the couch wrapped in his pajamas and played on his phone, waiting for Dan to come home so they could make up.

 

At 3am, Dan finally got his key into the lock and he flung the door open, startling Phil awake.

“Jesus!” Phil exclaimed. “Dan, is that you?”

“Honey, I’m home!” Dan slurred.

Dan stumped in and dropped his keys onto the floor, leaving the front door wide open. 

Phil walked past him to close the door and was overwhelmed by the smell of alcohol. 

“Dan, are you drunk?”

“Oh. Oh, you think I’m drunk, do you? Well, maybe I am and maybe you’re drunk, Mr. Lester!”

Phil closed the door and walked up to Dan. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“I do not think so, Sir!” Dan exclaimed loudly. “I have something to say to you!”

“Dan, not now. Let’s talk in the morning,” Phil said. 

“No!” Dan said, angrily. “No, you are not the boss of me and I will speak when I want to speak! I will not be bullied by you. You will not tell me what to do. If I want this project to go well,” he said as he rambled off of his well-rehearsed speech, “it’s because my name is on it. You don’t care. Everything is just fun and games to you, but this is serious to ME.”

“That’s not true,” Phil began, but Dan cut him off.

“I am trying to have a dignified and truthful and authentic presence! I care about my projects! And I am not going to let you ruin this.”

Phil’s jaw dropped. His breath quickened. 

“Nothing is getting ruined. I take things seriously and my name is on it, too!”

“Oh,” Dan mocked, “My name is on it too!”

“Dan, stop it.”

“Oh,” Dan continued, “I’m Phil and I’m just so cute and adorable that I don’t have to be authentic.” 

“Stop it,” Phil warned.

“You do not get to tell me what to do. Not anymore. I’m tired of being the adult in this relationship. You are a man-child and you get credit that I deserve.”

“That’s it,” Phil said, turning and walking away. “You’re drunk and mean and we’re not having this conversation right now.”

“You’re just jealous because I have more followers than you!”

Phil froze. 

“You’re just jealous,” Dan continued, “because I’ve gotten more successful than you.”

Phil turned around.

“You have no desire to grow. You are happy being stagnant. Well, I will not be held back by you any longer!” Dan yelled. 

Phil’s eyes blurred as the tears welled in his eyes. He thought about holding back, but the fatigue and the raw pain Dan’s words had caused made him through caution to the wind.

“You would be NOTHING without me, Dan. Who puts in the work while you walk around being “creative”? Who runs the business? Who keeps track of the money? Who actually makes a video on a semi-regular basis instead of waiting for some magical moment when the art “gods” speak to them? Who is earning the money that bought you your drinks tonight, because it certainly isn’t you!”

“Go fuck yourself! At least my videos have meaning!”

“At least my videos make people laugh! Your ‘meaning’ has boiled down to, ‘When is he going to come out as ‘Bi’’’?” 

“You take that back,” Dan said.

“No. You are teasing them and they are eating it up. If you made real content, no one would watch.”

“That is NOT true!” Dan yelled. “MY content is important. You are making cheesy crap for 11 year olds and as you age, that’s getting down right creepy! It’s no wonder we can’t edit the show! We’re targeting two totally different audiences!”

 

Phil stomped his foot down hard. “You think you’re just too perfect, don’t you? Well, you’re not. I think we should take a break from editing until you get over yourself.”

 

 

Dan stumbled up the stairs and yelled “Fine!” As he slammed the door to his room.

“Fine!” Phil yelled as he stormed into his room and began hurling objects around as he continued the fight out loud.

 

In his room, Dan sobbed into his pillow, pulling it around his head so he couldn’t hear Phil’s ravings in the next room. 

He just wanted to be authentic. He just wanted a quality product. Why wasn’t Phil on his side? 

 

Across the hall, Phil ran out of things to throw and flopped down on his bed. The apartment was flooded with a tense silence. 

As Phil rolled to his back, he worked on calming his breathing. Dan was drunk, obviously, and did not mean most of what he had said. He’d certainly apologize to Phil in the morning and they’d get back to editing, Phil imagined. Phil took ten long breaths, then worked his way under the covers, turned down the lights and tried to go to sleep. 

 

At 5am, Phil awoke to a loud thunking sound. He leapt out of bed and opened his door to find that Dan was dragging suitcase down the stairs.  
“What are you doing?” Phil asked, groggily.

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?” Dan said angrily. “I’m leaving.”

Dan’s eyes were puffy from sobbing, his face was covered with red blotches, and his nose was stopped up. He was wearing the clothes he wore the day before and his hair was disheveled. 

“Dan, please don’t do this,” Phil said softly. “Let’s get some sleep and talk it out in the morning.”

“I thought you were my friend!” Dan snapped back angrily. “I thought we were on the same team!” 

“We are!” Phil said.

“We’re not. We never have been. We’re just two guys that people like ship. You were right. I would be nothing without you. I can’t keep depending on you to run the business end of things. I have to do it all on my own. I have to earn my own success.”

“Dan, you have earned your own success. Your channel is amazing. Look, we both said things we didn’t mean last night. I’m sorry. Really. Please don’t go, okay?”

“I thought you were my best friend,” Dan said, breaking down into loud sobs. 

“I am your best friend,” Phil said, stepping closer to Dan.

“I can’t deal with all of this anymore, Phil. Not if we aren’t on the same team!” 

“We are on the same team, Dan. I promise.”

Phil closed the space between them and took Dan into his arms, slowly rocking him side to side. 

Dan buried his face into Phil’s shoulder and sobbed. 

“Shh. It’s alright, Dan. It’s all okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Dan managed between sobs, “I didn’t mean it, Phil. I swear I didn’t.”

“I know you didn’t,” Phil said, rubbing Dan’s back. “I know. It’s okay.” 

“I’m so sorry,” Dan said.

“I’m sorry too, Bear. It’s all okay now. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Dan said, but he held onto Phil tightly and did not let go. 

Minutes passed and Dan’s breathing slowed. Phil lead him over to the couch and they sat together. 

“I’m just so tired, Phil,” Dan said as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“I know. I’m tired, too. We should have taken some time off before we started editing. Let’s get Marianne to talk to Netflix and tell them we need an extra week. We’ll take a few days off and then get back to it when we’re fresh.”

“Okay,” Dan sniffed.

“Okay,” Phil said, reaching out and taking Dan’s face in his hands. Their eyes met. “Are you okay, Dan?”

“No,” Dan said.

“Tell me how to help,” Phil said. 

“Hold me,” Dan said, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks again.

Phil pulled Dan in close and they held each other on the sofa. 

“You know,” Phil said after a few moments had passed, “one time, there were these two blokes named Dan and Phil.”

“Yeah?” Dan said, a small laugh escaping between his quiet sobs.

“Yes. And they met on the internet!” 

“What happened then?”

“They became best friends and started making videos together.”

“Were they good videos?”

“Not really, but it didn’t matter, because they had fun making them,” Phil said gently. 

“Yes they did,” Dan said. 

“Like this one time,” Phil said, “they put on blindfolds and drew cats on each other’s faces.”

Dan giggled. 

“And another time, they ate some foul tasting jelly beans.”

“I remember that.”

“And then they went to Jamaica and made a silly video fighting each other.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! And then, years later, Dan took it down because he decided it was offensive.”

“It was offensive. We were talking with an Asian accent.”

“Mmhmm,” Phil agreed, “That is problematic. But the real reason he took it down was because Phil won.”

Dan began to laugh. “That’s not true!”

“Oh, but it is true.”

“You butthead,” Dan laughed, pulling away from Phil and shoving him.

“Aha!” Phil said, referring to Dan’s left dimple, “There’s Derrick! I’ve missed seeing him these past few days!” 

“He’s missed you, too,” Dan said, smiling.

“Are you alright, Dan?” Phil asked.

“Mostly,” Dan said. 

“Good. Let’s get some sleep and we’ll call Marianne in a few hours, okay?”

“Okay,” Dan agreed.

Phil grabbed Dan’s suitcase and began to pull it up the stairs. “What is in here?”

“I don’t remember,” Dan admitted.

Phil opened the case and found it empty except for a tooth brush and a copy of TABINOF. 

Dan said, “I packed more than that!” 

“Uh huh,” Phil laughed. “And where were you planning on going?”

“I wasn’t sure.”

“My poor Bear,” Phil said, as he zipped the suitcase back up. “Let’s get you to bed.”

Phil slept in Dan’s bed that night, holding him close and speaking soft, kind words to him until he fell asleep. Then Phil curled up and fell asleep as well. 

Dan’s phone alarm went off at 8 am and the two men awoke, groggy and confused. 

“Is this a show day?” Dan said.

“No, it’s an editing day, but I think we aren’t going.”

“Oh, yeah. Did you call Marianne?”

“No, did you?”

“No, you spork, I was sleeping right next to you!”

Phil took Dan’s phone and called Marianne, who agreed they needed some time off and said she would work it out with Netflix. 

Phil laid back and handed Dan his phone.

“What should we do today?” He asked.

“I think,” Dan said, “that we should not nothing but things that make us happy.”

They showered together and then ate some breakfast in their clean pajamas while watching Anime, snuggled together on the couch. 

The show was barely begun before both men were snoring. Later that afternoon, as the bright orange light filled the lounge of the apartment, Dan awoke and found Phil curled up on his chest. He bent down and kissed his head. Phil woke up and turned his head and returned the kiss. 

“I wonder if we should spend some time apart?” Dan said. “Just to kind of recover.”

“That’s probably a good idea,’ Phil said. “But my muscles aren’t working, so you’re going to have to be the one to switch rooms.”

“How can I do that when you’re lying on top of me?” Dan asked.

“Now that,” Phil said, “is a serious situation.” 

Dan giggled and Phil smiled. “I guess then,” Phil said, “that we’ll have to just stay together for a while longer.”

“Do you believe in ghosts?” Dan asked, suddenly.

“Yes,” Phil said. “But you don’t. Why are you asking me that?”

“Because I had a dream,” Dan said, “that you had died and come back to haunt me.”

“Was this dream before or after we made up?”

“Well, that brings up an interesting point, Mr. Lester. Because we haven’t officially made up, yet.”

“Yes we have,” Phil said as he yawned and snuggled down into Dan’s chest.

“No, we have not,” Dan declared. “And you know it. You’re just too tired to do anything about it.”

“Dan, seriously?”

“Yes, seriously. And to answer your question, it was before I packed my bag that I had that dream.”

“I won’t be able to haunt you, Dan. You’ve read the fan fiction. I’ll be a vampire and therefore immortal.”

“That’s true,” Dan said, bending down and kissing Phil again. 

“Are we made up, now?” Phil asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Nope,” Dan said with a smile.

“Well, this is the most cozy I’ve ever been in an argument with you,” Phil said.

“Just wait until we do make up. It’s going to be amazing.”

 

The rest of the day was filled with gentle kisses and caresses and cuddles, Anime, and pizza delivered. 

 

Later that night, Dan pulled Phil into his room and gently pushed him onto his bed. He straddled the older boy and pinned him his arms down, planting a deep kiss on his lips. 

“Are we made up, now?” Phil said, as he half heartedly struggled to free his arms.

“Nope. Not until I say so. And,” Dan said, looking at the clock, ”we have three days to make sure we do it right.” 

Phil grinned and leaned up, kissing Dan passionately on the lips. 

He silently counted to eight, then broke the kiss. 

"See?" Phil asked.

"See what?" Dan said as he pulled his shirt over his head. 

"Eight seconds is just perfect!"

Dan laughed and swatted Phil with his shirt . 

"You complete spork!" Dan said. 

 

Hours later, as they cuddled in the darkness of their bed, Dan stroked Phil's hair as Phil nuzzled into Dan's chest. 

"You know what I think?" Phil asked.

"What?" Dan said, playing with Phil's quiff.

"I think we are always going to be just fine."

Dan grinned and fell into a deep sleep, holding onto his best friend, business partner, and lover.

And the radio played: 

I must have traveled down a thousand roads/been so many places/seen so many faces/always on my way to something new/but it doesn't matter/cuz no matter where I go/every road leads back/every road just seems to lead me back to you.


End file.
